🎯 The Ordinary Dividend

How to notice the good parts of life before they become memories.

Read time: 3.9 minutes

Welcome to Better at Life, the weekly newsletter where I share one simple, actionable idea you can put into practice today to build better habits, sharpen your mindset, and live with more intention.

Have you ever finished a perfectly good day and realized you barely remember enjoying any of it?

Maybe you had a nice conversation over coffee, ate dinner with your family, or took a walk on a beautiful afternoon. Nothing particularly extraordinary happened. But looking back, there were moments you probably would have appreciated more if you’d been paying attention.

I think this happens more often than we realize. We become so accustomed to thinking about what’s next that we move through what’s happening now without really experiencing it.

And sometimes, the moments we overlook are the very ones we’ll wish we could revisit someday.

I call this The Ordinary Dividend.

It’s the value we receive from everyday experiences when we take the time to notice them. Not because the experiences themselves change, but because our attention to them does.

In a previous newsletter, The Enough List, I explored how constantly trying to improve everything can keep us from recognizing when something is already enough.

There’s a related problem with how we experience our days. Sometimes we’re so focused on making life better that we fail to notice the good life happening right in front of us.

Write this down:

Some of life’s best moments don’t need to be improved. They just need to be noticed.

This Week’s Action

Try a simple practice I call The Second Look.

Once each day, when something ordinary feels even slightly enjoyable, pause for ten seconds and give it your full attention.

It might be your first sip of coffee, a conversation with a friend, or the quiet moment when you finally sit down after a long day.

Ask yourself three questions:

  • What’s happening right now?
  • What makes this moment worth noticing?
  • What would I miss if I hurried through it?

You don’t need to write anything down or turn the experience into another habit to track. Just notice it, appreciate it, and continue with your day.

Why This Works

Our attention naturally gravitates toward unfinished business. There’s always another task, another problem, or something coming up that needs our attention. Even during good moments, our minds often wander toward whatever happens next.

The Second Look gives us a small opportunity to interrupt that pattern. By deliberately noticing an ordinary experience, we give ourselves a chance to appreciate something while it’s happening rather than only recognizing its value afterward.

The goal isn’t to be present every second of the day. That’s probably unrealistic for most of us.

It’s simply to become a little less likely to miss the good parts.

Try This

At some point this week, you’ll probably experience something enjoyable that seems too ordinary to remember.

When it happens, silently tell yourself:

I’d like to remember this.

Then give the moment ten seconds of your attention. No phone, no photograph, and no pressure to make it more meaningful than it already is.

See what happens when you stop trying to capture a moment and simply experience it.

Weekly Reflection

Before you move on from this email, think about the past week.

Ask yourself:

What ordinary moment would I enjoy experiencing again?

Did I recognize how good it was while it was happening?

What similar moments might I be overlooking?

Write down one moment that comes to mind. Then consider how many more might be waiting in the week ahead.

If this idea feels useful, feel free to pass it along to someone who might need it this week.

We spend a lot of time trying to create a better life. That’s worthwhile, but it’s also worth remembering that a better life isn’t always somewhere in the future.

Sometimes, it’s already happening.

See you next week — a little better at life.

______

Dr. Chris Mullen

Bring Better at Life to Your Organization

If these ideas resonate, this is also the work I bring into organizations and leadership teams.

I partner with organizations that want clearer thinking, stronger decision-making, and more sustainable performance.

Engagements typically include:

  • Keynote speaking for conferences and leadership events
  • Leadership development workshops for teams and managers
  • Team strategy sessions focused on alignment and execution

For senior leaders seeking deeper application, I also maintain a small executive coaching practice.

Bring these ideas to your team

 

/by

🎯 The Next Chapter Rule

You don’t have to reinvent your life to begin a new chapter.

Read time: 3.9 minutes

Welcome to Better at Life, the weekly newsletter where I share one simple, actionable idea you can put into practice today to build better habits, sharpen your mindset, and live with more intention.

Last week marked 52 issues of Better at Life.

And before we begin another year, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for reading, sharing these ideas, and supporting the book as it makes its way into the world.

I also have a little news worth celebrating.

Better at Life reached #3 in Human Resources & Personnel Management and #1 in New Releases Human Resources & Personnel Management on Amazon.

I have to admit, seeing those numbers was a pretty special moment.

A moment worth celebrating. Thank you for helping make it happen.

But what means even more is knowing that an idea I’ve spent so much time thinking about is now finding its way into other people’s lives.

So thank you for being part of that.

And as I thought about the first year of this newsletter, the book launch, and everything that comes next, I kept coming back to one question:

How do we begin a new chapter without feeling like we have to reinvent our entire lives?

The Next Chapter Rule

There’s something about a new beginning that makes us want to change everything.

A new job. A new year. A new opportunity. A new season of life.

Suddenly, we’re making plans to become a completely different person.

Preferably by Monday.

But most meaningful transitions don’t require us to start over.

They require us to decide what deserves to come with us.

That’s the idea behind the Next Chapter Rule.

Before you rush into what’s next, ask yourself three questions.

This Week’s Action

1. Keep: What’s worth carrying forward?

Not everything from your previous chapter needs to change.

Maybe it’s a relationship, a routine, a strength you’ve developed, or a value you’ve learned to protect.

Identify one thing that’s working and deserves to stay.

2. Release: What no longer fits?

Some things served us well for a season but don’t belong in the next one.

An old expectation. A habit. A commitment. A definition of success.

You can appreciate what something gave you without carrying it forever.

3. Explore: What possibility deserves a closer look?

You don’t need a five-year plan to begin exploring.

Sometimes the next chapter starts with a conversation, a question, or a small experiment.

Choose one possibility to explore without demanding an immediate answer.

Write this down:

You don’t have to become someone entirely new. Sometimes growth means carrying forward what matters and leaving behind what doesn’t.

Why This Works

Transitions can feel overwhelming because we treat them like complete reinventions.

But change becomes more manageable when we separate what should stay from what needs to go.

Keeping gives us stability.

Releasing creates room.

Exploring allows us to move forward without pretending we know exactly how everything will turn out.

Try This

Take five minutes this week and complete these sentences:

  • I’m keeping: __________
  • I’m releasing: __________
  • I’m exploring: __________

Then take one small action connected to your answer.

Nothing dramatic required.

Weekly Reflection

Before you move on from this email, pause for a moment.

Think about the chapter you’re in right now.

What has this season taught you?

What are you proud of?

What are you ready to leave behind?

And what possibility are you curious enough to explore?

Write it down.

You might discover that you’re more ready for what’s next than you thought.

If this idea feels useful, feel free to pass it along to someone who’s navigating a new chapter of their own.

As Better at Life begins its second year, I’m reminded that progress rarely looks like a straight line.

There are celebrations, setbacks, unexpected turns, and moments when we’re simply figuring things out as we go.

We don’t need to have every chapter planned.

We just need to be thoughtful about how we begin the next one.


See you next week — a little better at life.

______

Dr. Chris Mullen

Bring Better at Life to Your Organization

If these ideas resonate, this is also the work I bring into organizations and leadership teams.

I partner with organizations that want clearer thinking, stronger decision-making, and more sustainable performance.

Engagements typically include:

  • Keynote speaking for conferences and leadership events
  • Leadership development workshops for teams and managers
  • Team strategy sessions focused on alignment and execution

For senior leaders seeking deeper application, I also maintain a small executive coaching practice.

Bring these ideas to your team

 

/by

🎯 52 Weeks. A Little Better at Life.

Five ideas worth revisiting from our first year together.

Read time: 4.2 minutes

Welcome to Better at Life, the weekly newsletter where I share one simple, actionable idea you can put into practice today to build better habits, sharpen your mindset, and live with more intention.

A year ago, I started Better at Life with a pretty simple idea.

Every Sunday, I’d share one useful thought that might help someone live a little more intentionally.

Nothing complicated.

Just one idea. One action. One opportunity to get a little better at life.

Fifty-two issues later, here we are.

And two weeks ago, something else happened. My book, Better at Life, made its way into the world.

It’s been quite a year.

There have been moments worth celebrating, difficult days, lessons I didn’t expect to learn, and plenty of reminders that I’m still figuring things out myself.

But looking back through these 52 issues, something stood out.

The ideas that matter most aren’t necessarily the most complicated.

They’re the ones we return to.

So this week, instead of introducing something new, I want to revisit five ideas from our first year together.

Consider this a small collection of reminders worth keeping close.

Five Ideas Worth Revisiting

1. The Practice of Becoming

You don’t have to arrive to make progress.

It’s easy to imagine a future version of ourselves who finally has everything figured out.

Better habits. Better boundaries. Better decisions.

But becoming isn’t something we finish.

It’s something we practice through ordinary choices, especially when life doesn’t go according to plan.

The reminder: You don’t have to become a different person overnight. Just practice one choice that reflects who you want to be.

2. The Trust Account

Relationships are built in small deposits.

We tend to think trust grows through big moments.

Sometimes it does.

But more often, it’s built when we follow through, listen carefully, tell the truth, and show up when we said we would.

Small deposits add up.

So do small withdrawals.

The reminder: Make one deposit into a relationship that matters this week.

3. The 3-Win Day

Decide what enough looks like before the day decides for you.

A full calendar doesn’t always mean a meaningful day.

That’s why I like choosing three wins:

  • One Work Win: Something meaningful to move forward.
  • One Personal Win: Something that takes care of your life.
  • One Connection Win: Something that strengthens a relationship.

Three wins won’t capture everything you do.

They’re simply a way to remember what matters.

The reminder: A successful day doesn’t require finishing everything.

4. The Leadership Mirror

Your repeated actions tell the truth about your priorities.

Most of us have a clear picture of the kind of person we want to be.

Patient. Present. Reliable. Generous.

But our intentions aren’t always reflected in our calendars, conversations, or choices.

The gap isn’t a reason for shame.

It’s useful information.

The reminder: Look at one ordinary decision this week and ask, “Does this reflect what I say matters?”

5. Momentum, Without Pressure

Moving forward doesn’t require rushing past what you’ve carried.

This one feels especially personal.

This past year included losing my mom, and that changed the way I think about progress.

Some seasons aren’t about doing more.

They’re about finding a way to keep living, caring, and moving forward without pretending everything is easy.

Sometimes momentum looks like a bold step.

Sometimes it looks like getting through Tuesday.

Both count.

The reminder: Choose a pace you can live with, not one you have to recover from.

Write this down:

The best ideas aren’t the ones we read once. They’re the ones we return to when life gives us another chance to practice them.

This Week’s Action

Choose one of these five ideas.

Not all five. Just one.

Ask yourself:

  • Which reminder do I need most right now?
  • What would practicing it look like this week?
  • What’s one small action I can take today?

Then do that one thing.

You don’t need another complicated plan.

Sometimes you just need to remember something you already know.

Why This Works

We often confuse learning something with living it.

But knowing what matters and practicing what matters are two different things.

Revisiting an idea gives us another opportunity to turn understanding into action.

And because our circumstances change, an old lesson can become useful in an entirely new way.

Try This

Go back and reread one of the original issues.

Notice what stands out differently now.

Then write one sentence:

This week, I’m going to practice ______.

Keep it somewhere you’ll see it.

Weekly Reflection

Before you move on from this email, pause for a moment.

Think about the past year.

What have you learned?

What have you let go of?

Where have you grown in ways that might not show up on a résumé or a checklist?

And what do you want to carry into the next year?

Write it down.

Give yourself credit for the distance you’ve traveled.

If one of these ideas feels useful, feel free to pass it along to someone who might need it this week.

Fifty-two Sundays ago, this newsletter was just an idea.

Today, it’s a year of conversations, reflections, and small reminders that a better life isn’t something we achieve all at once.

I’m grateful you’ve been part of it.

And with the book now out in the world, it feels like we’re beginning another chapter together.

There’s still plenty to learn.

Plenty to practice.

And plenty of room to get a little better.

See you next week — a little better at life.

______

Dr. Chris Mullen

Bring Better at Life to Your Organization

If these ideas resonate, this is also the work I bring into organizations and leadership teams.

I partner with organizations that want clearer thinking, stronger decision-making, and more sustainable performance.

Engagements typically include:

  • Keynote speaking for conferences and leadership events
  • Leadership development workshops for teams and managers
  • Team strategy sessions focused on alignment and execution

For senior leaders seeking deeper application, I also maintain a small executive coaching practice.

Bring these ideas to your team

 

/by

🎯 The Margin Principle

Why leaving a little room in your life might be one of the most intentional choices you make.

Read time: 3.2 minutes

Welcome to Better at Life, the weekly newsletter where I share one simple, actionable idea you can put into practice today to build better habits, sharpen your mindset, and live with more intention.

Last Sunday, I shared the launch of my book, Better at Life: Negotiating Finite Time and Infinite Choices.

After spending so much time writing, revising, and preparing for that moment, you might think my first instinct would be to slow down and enjoy it.

Instead, I caught myself thinking about what comes next.

What else needs to be done? What could I improve? What’s the next project?

There’s something a little ironic about writing an entire book on making intentional choices with our finite time, only to immediately start filling the space that finishing it created.

Apparently, I’m still practicing what I write about.

But I’ve been wondering why it’s so difficult to leave a little room in our lives, even when we’ve worked hard to create it.

And I don’t think this only happens with big projects.

An open hour becomes a meeting. A quiet evening becomes an opportunity to catch up on something. Five minutes waiting somewhere becomes five minutes checking email.

We’ve become remarkably good at filling the margins of our lives. Podcasts during the drive, emails between meetings, phones while we wait, and errands squeezed into every open Saturday.

Eventually, there’s very little room left for anything unexpected.

No space for a conversation to run long, time to think after a meeting, or opportunity to notice that we’re tired and need a break.

I call this The Margin Principle.

The idea is simple: space in your life isn’t necessarily empty. Sometimes it’s what allows everything else to work.

Write this down:

Margin isn’t wasted space. It’s what gives the rest of your life room to breathe.

This Week’s Action

Look at the week ahead and find one place where you’ve filled the margin.

Maybe your meetings are stacked back-to-back. Maybe every evening has something scheduled. Maybe the first thing you do when you have ten free minutes is reach for your phone.

Choose one small space and leave it open.

Give yourself 15 minutes between meetings. Take a drive without listening to anything. Leave one evening unscheduled. Go for a walk without your phone.

Then pay attention to what happens.

The goal isn’t to become less productive. It’s to see whether a little unclaimed space makes you better at the things that actually matter.

Why This Works

When every minute is occupied, everything becomes fragile.

One meeting runs late and the rest of the day falls behind. One unexpected request creates stress. One difficult week leaves no room to recover.

Margin gives you flexibility, but it does something else too.

Some of our best thinking happens when we’re not actively trying to think. A solution appears during a walk. You remember someone you’ve been meaning to call. You finally process a conversation from three days ago.

When we eliminate every quiet moment, we also eliminate many of the moments where perspective shows up.

Try This

A while back, The Capacity Trap asked whether the problem was really productivity or whether we were simply carrying too much.

The Margin Principle takes that idea one step further.

Even if you can fit something in, ask:

Does this space need to be filled?

Capacity asks whether there’s room. Margin asks whether some of that room should stay empty.

This week, try The 15-Minute Margin.

Find one 15-minute opening in your schedule and deliberately leave it unclaimed. No email, scrolling, podcasts, or catching up on tasks.

You can walk, think, sit outside, or simply let a conversation run a little longer.

Notice how it feels to have a little room that doesn’t need to produce anything.

Weekly Reflection

Before you move on from this email, look at your calendar and ask yourself:

Where has my life become too tightly packed?

What do I automatically fill my empty moments with?

Where would a little more space make me more present, creative, or patient?

Write it down, then choose one margin to protect this week.

If this idea feels useful, feel free to pass it along to someone who might need it.

A full life and a full calendar aren’t the same thing. Sometimes the space between things is where you finally have enough room to notice the life you’re already living.

See you next week — a little better at life.

______

Dr. Chris Mullen

Bring Better at Life to Your Organization

If these ideas resonate, this is also the work I bring into organizations and leadership teams.

I partner with organizations that want clearer thinking, stronger decision-making, and more sustainable performance.

Engagements typically include:

  • Keynote speaking for conferences and leadership events
  • Leadership development workshops for teams and managers
  • Team strategy sessions focused on alignment and execution

For senior leaders seeking deeper application, I also maintain a small executive coaching practice.

Bring these ideas to your team

 

/by

🎯 A New Chapter of Better at Life

Why I wrote a book about making intentional choices with the time we have.

Read time: 3 minutes

Welcome to Better at Life, the weekly newsletter where I share one simple, actionable idea you can put into practice today to build better habits, sharpen your mindset, and live with more intention.

Last Sunday, I wrote about The Practice of Becoming and shared an idea that has been on my mind quite a bit lately: a better life isn’t something you achieve. It’s something you practice.

I also mentioned that I’d tell you why I’d been thinking about it so much.

Today, I finally get to share something I’ve been working on.

My new book, Better at Life: Negotiating Finite Time and Infinite Choices, launches today.

I wrote this book because I know what it feels like to become so consumed by work, responsibilities, and the pursuit of success that you start missing out on the very life you’re working so hard to build.

It’s easy to convince ourselves that we’re doing all the right things. We’re working hard, meeting expectations, pursuing goals, and taking care of our responsibilities. But somewhere along the way, the people and experiences that matter most can start getting whatever time and energy we have left over.

And sometimes, there’s not much left.

Through my own experiences and research, I began to realize that the answer wasn’t finding some perfect version of work-life balance. It was learning to make more intentional choices about how I spent my time.

Because our time is finite, but our choices can feel infinite.

That’s the idea at the heart of this book.

Write this down:

The goal isn’t to fit everything into your life. It’s to make room for what makes your life worth living.

Why I Wrote This Book

I wanted to create something practical for people who are working hard, carrying a lot of responsibility, and trying to build a meaningful life without losing themselves in the process.

Not another set of expectations to live up to or a complicated system to maintain. Instead, I wanted to offer tools that help us step back, reconsider our priorities, and make better decisions about the time we have.

That means learning when to say yes and when to say no. Recognizing when the pursuit of success is pulling us away from what matters. Being more present for the people we love and making sure we’re actually enjoying some of the life we’re working so hard to create.

I certainly haven’t figured all of this out. Writing the book reminded me how much of it I’m still practicing.

But I’ve become convinced that a better life isn’t built by doing everything. It’s built by becoming more intentional about the things we choose to do.

This Week’s Action

Here’s a question worth asking as you look at the week ahead:

What am I working so hard to build, and am I making time to enjoy it?

Maybe you’re working to provide a better life for your family, but your schedule rarely leaves you time to be with them. Maybe you’re pursuing a career goal while repeatedly postponing something you’ve always wanted to experience.

Choose one thing that matters to you and give it some of your time this week.

Don’t wait until everything else is finished.

The Book Is Here

Better at Life: Negotiating Finite Time and Infinite Choices

I’m excited to finally share this book with you. My hope is that it helps you make more intentional choices, become more present for the people you love, and build a life you genuinely enjoy living.

Get your copy here

If you’ve been reading this newsletter, thank you for being part of this journey. Many of the ideas we’ve explored together are connected by the same question that inspired this book: How do we make the most of the time we have?

Weekly Reflection

Before you move on from this email, pause for a moment and ask yourself:

What am I currently giving most of my time to?

Does that reflect what matters most to me?

What have I been postponing until life gets less busy?

What’s one intentional choice I can make this week?

Write it down, then make room for something that matters.

If you know someone who could benefit from this message, I’d be grateful if you shared this issue or the book with them.

We won’t get to do everything. There will always be another opportunity, another responsibility, or another goal competing for our attention.

But we can get better at choosing.

And we can make sure that while we’re busy building a life, we’re also taking the time to live it.

See you next week — a little better at life.

______

Dr. Chris Mullen

Bring Better at Life to Your Organization

If these ideas resonate, this is also the work I bring into organizations and leadership teams.

I partner with organizations that want clearer thinking, stronger decision-making, and more sustainable performance.

Engagements typically include:

  • Keynote speaking for conferences and leadership events
  • Leadership development workshops for teams and managers
  • Team strategy sessions focused on alignment and execution

For senior leaders seeking deeper application, I also maintain a small executive coaching practice.

Bring these ideas to your team

 

/by

🎯 The Practice of Becoming

You don’t become someone new all at once.

Read time: 3.1 minutes

Welcome to Better at Life, the weekly newsletter where I share one simple, actionable idea you can put into practice today to build better habits, sharpen your mindset, and live with more intention.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it actually means to get better at something.

We tend to notice the milestones: the degree, the promotion, the finished project, the goal finally crossed off the list. Those are the moments that are easy to point to and say, “Look, something changed.”

But when I look back at the changes that have mattered most in my own life, very few happened in a single moment.

They happened through practice.

Learning to respond instead of react. Getting a little better at saying no. Protecting time for the people who matter. Recognizing when I’m drifting. Having conversations I might have avoided a few years ago.

None of those things have a finish line.

You just keep practicing.

I call this The Practice of Becoming.

It’s the idea that personal growth isn’t really about arriving at some improved version of yourself. It’s about practicing the behaviors of that person, over and over, until they slowly become part of who you are.

Write this down:

A better life isn’t something you achieve. It’s something you practice.

This Week’s Action

Think about who you were a year ago.

Not what you had accomplished. Think about how you lived.

Ask yourself:

What do I handle differently today?

Maybe you’re more patient. You set better boundaries. You take better care of yourself. You recover from setbacks faster. You’re more willing to have difficult conversations or less concerned with what everyone else thinks.

Now ask:

What did I practice that helped me become this person?

Chances are, the change didn’t happen because of one breakthrough. It happened because you repeated something long enough for it to become part of you.

Then look forward and ask one more question:

What do I want to practice becoming next?

Choose one thing.

Not an outcome.

A way of being.

Why This Works

Goals tend to focus our attention on what we want to accomplish.

Becoming focuses our attention on how we want to live.

There’s an important difference.

You can achieve a goal and immediately start chasing another one. We talked about that in The Finish Line Fallacy.

But there is no finish line for becoming more patient, more present, more courageous, more thoughtful, or more dependable.

Those qualities are practices.

You build them through ordinary decisions, usually when nobody is paying attention.

Try This

Over the past year, we’ve talked about ideas like The Friction Audit, The Invisible Scorecard, The Capacity Trap, The Drift Test, and The Trust Account.

They may look like separate frameworks, but they’re really different ways of practicing the same thing.

Becoming a little better at life.

So this week, don’t ask yourself:

What do I need to accomplish next?

Ask:

Who am I practicing becoming?

Then look at your calendar, your habits, your conversations, and your choices.

They’ll probably tell you the answer.

Weekly Reflection

Before you move on from this email, pause for a moment and ask yourself:

How am I different from the person I was a year ago?

What have I been practicing without realizing it?

Who do I want to practice becoming next?

Write it down, then choose one small way to practice being that person this week.

If this idea feels useful, feel free to pass it along to someone who might need it.

There is no final version of you waiting somewhere in the future. There is only the person you’re practicing becoming through the choices you make today.

I’ve been thinking about that idea more than usual lately.

I’ll tell you why next Sunday.

See you next week — a little better at life.

______

Dr. Chris Mullen

Bring Better at Life to Your Organization

If these ideas resonate, this is also the work I bring into organizations and leadership teams.

I partner with organizations that want clearer thinking, stronger decision-making, and more sustainable performance.

Engagements typically include:

  • Keynote speaking for conferences and leadership events
  • Leadership development workshops for teams and managers
  • Team strategy sessions focused on alignment and execution

For senior leaders seeking deeper application, I also maintain a small executive coaching practice.

Bring these ideas to your team

 

/by

🎯 The Leadership Mirror

What would someone learn about your values by watching your behavior?

Read time: 3.1 minutes

Welcome to Better at Life, the weekly newsletter where I share one simple, actionable idea you can put into practice today to build better habits, sharpen your mindset, and live with more intention.

There’s a strange thing that happens when we’re responsible for other people.

We become very good at explaining what matters.

We tell our teams to take care of themselves. We tell our kids to put their phones down. We tell people we want honest feedback. We talk about family, health, integrity, balance, accountability, and all the other things we genuinely believe are important.

Then we go back to our own behavior.

We answer emails late at night. We check our phone during dinner. We get defensive when someone disagrees with us. We say family comes first, but our calendar tells a slightly different story.

None of this makes us bad leaders, parents, partners, or people. It just reveals something worth paying attention to:

People learn from what we repeatedly do.

I call this The Leadership Mirror.

It’s a simple way to look at your own behavior from the perspective of the people around you. Instead of asking what you believe is important, you ask what someone observing your life would conclude is important.

Those answers aren’t always the same.

Write this down:

People learn what you value by watching what you repeatedly do.

This Week’s Action

Choose three things you say are important to you.

Maybe they’re:

Family.
Health.
Integrity.
Presence.
Growth.
Accountability.
Balance.

Then hold each one up to The Leadership Mirror and ask:

What I say: What do I tell people matters?

What they see: What does my behavior demonstrate?

The gap: Where are those two things inconsistent?

This isn’t an exercise in guilt. Nobody lives in perfect alignment with their values.

The goal is simply to notice the gaps.

Because once you can see them, you can do something about them.

If You Lead Others

Culture is shaped by what leaders repeatedly model and tolerate.

You can tell people to disconnect after work, but if you regularly send late-night messages that seem to require a response, people will notice.

You can tell your team you want honest feedback, but if you become defensive every time someone challenges an idea, they’ll learn to stay quiet.

The opposite is also true.

Admit when you got something wrong, and people learn that mistakes can be discussed.

Give credit freely, and people learn that recognition isn’t scarce.

Leave early for your kid’s game without acting guilty about it, and you send a message about what you genuinely believe matters.

Your behavior quietly gives other people clues about what is safe, valued, and expected.

Why This Works

Last week, The Trust Account was about the small actions that build credibility over time.

Those same actions do something else: they teach people who we are.

Most of us won’t remember every piece of advice a leader, parent, coach, or mentor gave us. But we tend to remember how they behaved, especially when things became difficult.

That’s why consistency matters.

Not because anyone expects perfection, but because repeated behavior becomes evidence.

Try This

For one week, pay attention to the small signals you’re sending.

If you say health matters, look at your calendar.

If you say people matter, notice how often you’re fully present with them.

If you say you value honesty, notice how you respond when someone tells you something you don’t want to hear.

If you say family matters, look at what consistently gets your best energy.

Don’t try to fix everything.

Find one gap between what you say and what you do, and make the gap a little smaller.

Weekly Reflection

Before you move on from this email, pause for a moment and ask yourself:

What do I want the people around me to learn from me?

What would they learn by watching my behavior this week?

Where are my words and actions aligned?

Where is there a gap?

Write it down, then choose one behavior that would make your values a little easier to see.

If this idea feels useful, feel free to pass it along to someone who might need it.

You don’t need to model perfection. You need to model alignment.

Let your behavior make your values easier to believe.

See you next week — a little better at life.

______

Dr. Chris Mullen

Bring Better at Life to Your Organization

If these ideas resonate, this is also the work I bring into organizations and leadership teams.

I partner with organizations that want clearer thinking, stronger decision-making, and more sustainable performance.

Engagements typically include:

  • Keynote speaking for conferences and leadership events
  • Leadership development workshops for teams and managers
  • Team strategy sessions focused on alignment and execution

For senior leaders seeking deeper application, I also maintain a small executive coaching practice.

Bring these ideas to your team

 

/by

🎯 The Trust Account

Trust is built in small deposits long before you need to make a withdrawal.

Read time: 3.1 minutes

Welcome to Better at Life, the weekly newsletter where I share one simple, actionable idea you can put into practice today to build better habits, sharpen your mindset, and live with more intention.

We tend to notice trust when something goes wrong.

Someone misses a deadline. A friend lets us down. A leader makes a decision we don’t understand. A difficult conversation doesn’t go particularly well.

But the way we respond to those moments usually has less to do with that single interaction than we realize.

Imagine two people make the exact same mistake.

The first person has consistently followed through, communicated honestly, admitted mistakes, and shown up when it mattered. You’re probably willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

The second person has a history of broken promises, vague communication, and excuses.

Same mistake. Completely different reaction.

The difference is what happened before the mistake.

I think of this as The Trust Account.

Every relationship has one, and every interaction either makes a small deposit or a small withdrawal.

Keeping your word is a deposit. Admitting when you’re wrong is a deposit. Giving someone credit, telling the truth when it’s uncomfortable, and following through when nobody is checking are deposits too.

The individual moments may seem insignificant.

Over time, they add up.

Write this down:

Trust is built in small moments and spent in big ones.

This Week’s Action

Pick one relationship that matters to you. It could be with your spouse, a friend, a colleague, someone you lead, or even your child.

Then do a quick Trust Account Audit.

Ask yourself:

Deposits: What am I doing that strengthens trust?

Withdrawals: What am I doing that quietly weakens it?

Balance: If I needed the benefit of the doubt tomorrow, have I earned it?

That last question is worth sitting with.

We often think about whether we trust other people. It’s less common to ask whether our own behavior makes us easy to trust.

If You Lead Others

Trust becomes especially important when you’re responsible for other people.

There will eventually be a difficult decision, an unpopular change, a missed target, or a moment when you simply get something wrong. In those situations, you may need people to give you the benefit of the doubt.

You can’t suddenly ask for trust because the moment requires it.

The account was funded months or years earlier through the ordinary stuff: keeping commitments, sharing context, admitting mistakes, listening when someone disagrees, giving credit, and making fair decisions even when they’re inconvenient.

You can’t make a large withdrawal from a trust account you’ve never funded.

Why This Works

Last week, The Second Conversation explored the stories we create when information is missing.

Trust influences those stories.

When trust is high, an unanswered message might make us think, “They’re probably busy. They’ll get back to me.”

When trust is low, the same unanswered message can become, “Here we go again.”

Trust doesn’t eliminate mistakes or misunderstandings. It changes how much generosity exists when they happen.

That’s why the small moments matter so much.

Try This

For the next week, stop thinking about trust as something you either have or don’t have. Think about it as something you’re constantly building.

Before making a promise, make sure you can keep it. If you make a mistake, own it quickly. If you appreciate something someone did, tell them.

None of these actions are dramatic.

That’s the point.

Trust is mostly built when nothing dramatic is happening.

Weekly Reflection

Before you move on from this email, pause for a moment and ask yourself:

Where have I built strong trust?

Where have I made more withdrawals than deposits?

What small deposit could I make this week?

And perhaps most importantly:

Am I behaving like someone I would trust?

Write it down, then make one deposit this week.

If this idea feels useful, feel free to pass it along to someone who might need it.

Strong relationships aren’t built in the moments when trust is needed most. They’re built in all the ordinary moments that came before.

See you next week — a little better at life.

______

Dr. Chris Mullen

Bring Better at Life to Your Organization

If these ideas resonate, this is also the work I bring into organizations and leadership teams.

I partner with organizations that want clearer thinking, stronger decision-making, and more sustainable performance.

Engagements typically include:

  • Keynote speaking for conferences and leadership events
  • Leadership development workshops for teams and managers
  • Team strategy sessions focused on alignment and execution

For senior leaders seeking deeper application, I also maintain a small executive coaching practice.

Bring these ideas to your team

 

/by

🎯 The Second Conversation

What was said matters. So does the story you tell yourself afterward.

Read time: 3.2 minutes

Welcome to Better at Life, the weekly newsletter where I share one simple, actionable idea you can put into practice today to build better habits, sharpen your mindset, and live with more intention.

Someone sends you a message:

“Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

Seven words, but somehow your brain writes the next 700. Did I do something wrong? Is there a problem? Why didn’t they just tell me what this is about?

By the time the actual conversation happens, you may have already experienced three imaginary versions of it.

That’s because there are often two conversations happening. The first is the one that actually occurred. The second is the one you have with yourself afterward.

Your boss was unusually quiet in a meeting. Your spouse gave you a short response. A friend hasn’t texted back. Someone sent an email that felt a little colder than usual.

Those are the facts.

Then the second conversation begins: They’re upset with me. I must have done something. They don’t value my opinion. Something is wrong.

Our brains don’t like missing information, so we fill in the gaps. The problem is that we often mistake the story we created for something we actually know.

I call this The Second Conversation. It’s the conversation in your head that happens after the real one ends.

Write this down:

The conversation in your head can create more conflict than the conversation that actually happened.

This Week’s Action

The next time you notice yourself replaying an interaction, separate three things:

1. What happened?

What do I actually know?

2. What story am I telling myself?

What have I assumed?

3. What else could be true?

What’s another reasonable explanation?

Your interpretation may be correct, but it may not be. The goal isn’t to ignore your instincts; it’s to stop treating assumptions like facts.

If You Lead Others

There’s another side to this: sometimes we accidentally create the second conversation for other people.

Imagine sending:

“Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

Then disappearing for two hours. The person on the other end may spend that time trying to work out what the message means, even if you intended nothing serious.

Instead, add context:

“Do you have 10 minutes this afternoon? I’d like your thoughts on the upcoming project. Nothing urgent.”

A few extra words can eliminate a lot of unnecessary uncertainty. The same principle applies elsewhere: give people context when you can, be clear about what you need, and say so if something isn’t urgent.

If someone did good work, don’t make them wonder where they stand. If you need to have a difficult conversation, don’t disguise it with vague language. Clarity is one of the simplest forms of consideration.

Why This Works

Ambiguity creates space, and our brains are very good at filling that space with stories and often not particularly helpful ones.

Clear communication reduces the amount of interpretation required. When we’re on the receiving end, separating facts from assumptions gives us enough distance to respond to what actually happened instead of what we fear happened.

Try This

Last week, Borrowed Expectations asked us to question the rules we’ve inherited. This week, question the stories you’ve invented.

When you catch yourself thinking, “They must think…,” “They probably meant…,” or “I know why they…,” stop and ask:

Do I know that, or did I add that part?

Sometimes that one question is enough.

Weekly Reflection

Before you move on from this email, pause for a moment and ask yourself:

What conversation have I been replaying?

What do I actually know?

What part of the story did I add?

And as a leader, partner, parent, or friend, where could I communicate with a little more clarity?

Write it down. Then close the gap between what was said and what was assumed.

If this idea feels useful, feel free to pass it along to someone who might need it.

We can’t control every story someone tells themselves, but we can communicate clearly enough that they don’t have to write the whole story alone.

See you next week — a little better at life.

______

Dr. Chris Mullen

Bring Better at Life to Your Organization

If these ideas resonate, this is also the work I bring into organizations and leadership teams.

I partner with organizations that want clearer thinking, stronger decision-making, and more sustainable performance.

Engagements typically include:

  • Keynote speaking for conferences and leadership events
  • Leadership development workshops for teams and managers
  • Team strategy sessions focused on alignment and execution

For senior leaders seeking deeper application, I also maintain a small executive coaching practice.

Bring these ideas to your team

 

/by

🎯 Borrowed Expectations

The life rules you never consciously chose.

Read time: 3.1 minutes

Welcome to Better at Life, the weekly newsletter where I share one simple, actionable idea you can put into practice today to build better habits, sharpen your mindset, and live with more intention.

Many people think, there are a surprising number of things I thought I was supposed to have figured out by now: career, money, parenting, what success should look like, and how much I should be accomplishing.

I’m still not sure who set the deadline.

That’s the strange thing about expectations. Some of them are obvious, but others quietly become part of how we think life is supposed to work.

By this age, I should be here.

Someone in my position should be doing this.

A successful person should have that.

A good parent should always…

A good leader would never…

Eventually, we stop questioning where those ideas came from. They become the rules, and then we judge ourselves for not following them.

I call these Borrowed Expectations: standards for our lives that we inherit from family, friends, work, culture, or comparison without ever consciously deciding whether they belong to us.

Write this down:

Not every expectation you carry belongs to you.

This Week’s Action

Think about one area of your life where you regularly feel pressure. It might be your career, money, parenting, relationships, health, or some broader definition of success.

Then finish this sentence:

“By now, I should…”

Write down whatever comes to mind. Don’t edit it or try to make it sound reasonable. The first answer is often the most revealing.

Then ask:

Who decided that?

Maybe the expectation is genuinely yours. If so, keep it.

But maybe it came from your profession, your parents, your peers, social media, or an imaginary timeline you’ve been measuring yourself against for years.

Then ask one more question:

Would I still want this if nobody else knew I had it?

That question can clarify a lot.

Why This Works

Expectations aren’t necessarily bad. They can challenge us, give us direction, and help us grow.

The problem is carrying expectations we never chose. When we do, we can spend years pursuing things that look like success but don’t actually feel meaningful: a bigger title, a certain income, a fuller calendar, or a particular version of family life.

Sometimes the pressure we feel isn’t telling us to work harder.

It’s asking us to reconsider the standard.

Try This

A while back, we talked about The Invisible Scorecard.

That framework asked:

How am I measuring myself?

Borrowed Expectations goes one layer deeper:

Who decided this was worth measuring in the first place?

This week, notice whenever the word “should” appears in your thinking.

I should be further along.

I should be doing more.

I should have figured this out already.

When you notice it, pause and ask:

Is this expectation chosen or borrowed?

You don’t have to reject every expectation. Just make sure the ones shaping your life are ones you actually want to keep.

Weekly Reflection

Before you move on from this email, pause for a moment and ask yourself:

Where do I feel like I’m behind?

What expectation is creating that feeling?

Did I consciously choose it?

What would I want if nobody else were watching?

Write it down.

Then give yourself permission to return one expectation that was never yours to carry.

If this idea feels useful, feel free to pass it along to someone who might need it.

A better life isn’t built by meeting every expectation placed on you. It’s built by choosing which ones deserve to shape you.

See you next week — a little better at life.

______

Dr. Chris Mullen

Bring Better at Life to Your Organization

If these ideas resonate, this is also the work I bring into organizations and leadership teams.

I partner with organizations that want clearer thinking, stronger decision-making, and more sustainable performance.

Engagements typically include:

  • Keynote speaking for conferences and leadership events
  • Leadership development workshops for teams and managers
  • Team strategy sessions focused on alignment and execution

For senior leaders seeking deeper application, I also maintain a small executive coaching practice.

Bring these ideas to your team

 

/by